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In honor of our elections on November 7, we will move from the serious discourse
presented in previous articles to some political levity.
After all, throughout history laughter has enabled us to survive and prosper in the face of grim reality. It is our sense
of humor that allows us to rise above our obstacles.
This web site is produced in California's Central Valley. We are surrounded by agriculture in all its forms. With this in
mind, here are some interesting definitions using cows and politics. For the record: I'm registered to vote as
"Independent."
presented in previous articles to some political levity.
After all, throughout history laughter has enabled us to survive and prosper in the face of grim reality. It is our sense
of humor that allows us to rise above our obstacles.
This web site is produced in California's Central Valley. We are surrounded by agriculture in all its forms. With this in
mind, here are some interesting definitions using cows and politics. For the record: I'm registered to vote as
"Independent."
Cows and Politics Explained
A Christian Democrat:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A Socialist:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor.
An American Republican:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
An American Democrat:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who
tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money
and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A Communist:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A Fascist:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a
campaign of sabotage.
Democracy, American Style:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign
country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
Capitalism, American Style:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
Bureaucracy, American Style:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours
the milk down the drain.
Questions and Answers:
Why do politicians envy ventriloquists? Because they can lie without moving their lips.
What do you call a politician who swears to tell the truth? A liar.
If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress?
How can you tell when a politician is lying? His lips are moving.
Why do we have elections in November? That's when we pick our turkey.
Not voting on Election Day?
Two friends are discussing politics on Election Day, each trying to no avail to convince the other to switch sides.
Finally, ones says to the other, "Look, it's clear that we are unalterable opposed on every political issue. Our votes will
surely cancel out. Why not save ourselves some time and both agree to not vote today?
The other agrees enthusiastically and they part.
Shortly after that, a friend of the first one who had heard the conversation says, "That was a sporting offer you made."
"Not really," says the second. "This is the third time I've done this today."
Don't be fooled...voting is an important right and responsibility of every American
citizen!
Source: Cows and Politics Explained was found in the November, 2006 issue of Coffee Break, a small flier
published since 1997 and distributed to the restaurant I frequent.
Voter Qualifications: Regardless of when or how you register, you must be:
a U.S. Citizen, at least 18 years old by Election Day, and a resident of your precinct at least 30 days prior to
an election
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
An American Democrat:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who
tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money
and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A Communist:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A Fascist:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a
campaign of sabotage.
Democracy, American Style:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign
country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
Capitalism, American Style:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
Bureaucracy, American Style:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours
the milk down the drain.
Questions and Answers:
Why do politicians envy ventriloquists? Because they can lie without moving their lips.
What do you call a politician who swears to tell the truth? A liar.
If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress?
How can you tell when a politician is lying? His lips are moving.
Why do we have elections in November? That's when we pick our turkey.
Not voting on Election Day?
Two friends are discussing politics on Election Day, each trying to no avail to convince the other to switch sides.
Finally, ones says to the other, "Look, it's clear that we are unalterable opposed on every political issue. Our votes will
surely cancel out. Why not save ourselves some time and both agree to not vote today?
The other agrees enthusiastically and they part.
Shortly after that, a friend of the first one who had heard the conversation says, "That was a sporting offer you made."
"Not really," says the second. "This is the third time I've done this today."
Don't be fooled...voting is an important right and responsibility of every American
citizen!
Source: Cows and Politics Explained was found in the November, 2006 issue of Coffee Break, a small flier
published since 1997 and distributed to the restaurant I frequent.
Voter Qualifications: Regardless of when or how you register, you must be:
a U.S. Citizen, at least 18 years old by Election Day, and a resident of your precinct at least 30 days prior to
an election
